UPDATE: Talk about emotional and scheduling whiplash...I expected to return home yesterday and be getting ready for surgery on Friday. Most of my pre-ops were done and I had an appointment left today and one tomorrow.

But...at close to the last minute, my surgeon has decided he doesn't want to go through with it. He's been conferring with colleagues at Mayo, and they tell him that this procedure is risky and unpredictable and they're not convinced it will help me. He hasn't said a firm "No" but just a "Not now." He wants me to try a few months of a shoe lift to equalize the difference in leg length I experienced as a result of the two hip replacements. He thinks there's a chance that this is the cause of my pain and that it's worth this try before proceeding with surgical measures.

While I fully understand his caution and his point of view, I'm frustrated. First, I don't believe for a minute that a 1 cm shoe lift is going to alleviate the kind of pain that made it necessary for me to be in a wheelchair as I traveled yesterday. I won't go into the details of why I think this is barking up the wrong tree, but I really think this will be wasted time. And second, I had some hope that within just a few weeks I was going to be pain-free as this operation stabilized my bone and the implant. Instead, today I'm on my way to the hospital to pick up a shoe lift and more pain medicine.

This news did not come at a good time. The pain I live with is rather cyclical and so I have some good weeks...never pain-free but somewhat less disruptive to my life. But the past two weeks have been especially bad, and the past week has been one of the worst in the nearly four years since my first hip operation. I had gotten myself through a few really bad days by hanging on to the coming surgery and hoping that I'd soon have relief. Now, that hope is postponed.

And I am struggling.

Labels: Health