In yet another nod to the protection of fledgling self-esteem, an Ottawa children’s soccer league has introduced a rule that says any team that wins a game by more than five points will lose by default.

The Gloucester Dragons Recreational Soccer league’s newly implemented edict is intended to dissuade a runaway game in favour of sportsmanship. The rule replaces its five-point mercy regulation, whereby any points scored beyond a five-point differential would not be registered.

Kevin Cappon said he first heard about the rule on May 20 — right after he had scored his team’s last allowable goal. His team then tossed the ball around for fear of losing the game.

He said if anything, the league’s new rule will coddle sore losers.

“They should be saying anything is possible. If we can get five goals really fast, well, so can the other team,” said Kevin, 17, who has played in the league for five years. “People grow in adversity, they don’t really get worse…. I think you’ll see more leadership skills being used if a losing team tries to recuperate than if they never got into that situation at all.”

Kevin’s father, Bruce Cappon, called the rule ludicrous.

“I couldn’t find anywhere in the world, even in a communist country, where that rule is enforced,” he said.

This is the logical follow-on to what we already have all over this country where every kid on the team gets a trophy. Not just a ribbon for participating, mind you, but a trophy. Cuz every kid's a winner! Well guess what, folks, not every kid is a winner and not every team is a winner. That doesn't mean every child isn't valuable, but we're mixing up the two. Why have competitions if the outcomes have to be more or less even?

Since when is winning, by one goal or ten, not fair? And if we decide that sportsmanship means you shouldn't run up the score, how is MANDATING that going to teach sportsmanship?

Come on, kids, let's go play Scrabble. And this time, if you end up with four or more E's, you can trade them for any four of your neighbor's tiles. And if at any point you have more than a 50 point lead, you have to refrain from using anything but 3-letter words.

Just to keep it fair, you understand. Cuz you're ALL winners!

Heads, we all win

hat tip: Anne W.

Labels: Kids, Social Observation, Theater of the Absurd