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Tuesday, December 14, 2010
No longer long in the tooth.
Although I don't have the crippling aversion to dentists that some people struggle with, I'd rather have been almost anywhere today than in "The Chair." I have a great dentist, and I don't think she's ever really hurt me once in all the years she's worked in my mouth. But even though I know I need this work done, it just always seems like such a waste of time. No matter how great the Muzak.
Or maybe it's the hangover. You know, you can't eat without chewing up your lip and cheek for hours. You can't talk without the tongue-pierced smarty at the Walmart checkout looking at you like you're, well, challenged. And you can't sip on that Diet Coke from Sonic without half of it dribbling down your chin and onto that silk shirt you shouldn't have worn. Are you with me?
Well, I might just change my opinion of dentistry after today. Because I've been convinced that they're all going to conferences in Hawaii and sitting around discussing the least conspicuous ways to make us all feel like total dufuses, thereby convincing us that we must really need them or we'd never endure such humiliation. Whatever. I guess my dentist didn't get to go to the last Council of the Fat Lip, because before I left today she shot me with this. And hard as it is to believe, I could feel my lip again before I even GOT to Sonic! And when I called The Papa from the car, he accused me of skipping out on my appointment since I actually sounded like an intelligent human and it was way too early for that.
"Honest, honey, I had two molars completely hollowed out and replaced with Synthetic Tooth. Yes, I know it sounds like I'm lying, but really...she gave me a shot of this stuff that reversed the Fat Lip Juice and within twenty minutes I could say my name and the girl at Walmart didn't even bat a tongue!"
I'm tellin' ya. Find a dentist that will do the reversal (no, not that kind of reversal, that's a different doctor) and you'll be sippin' through a straw in no time! It's great, and I'm going back for another procedure tomorrow. Okay, it's just putting the crown on, but still....
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