Attention those of you with 4-8 year olds: Mommy Life (for those of you in our HOPE group, this is the blog of Barbara Curtis--author of the book we're currently reading) has a great post today on making the decision to homeschool little ones. While her post is narrow in scope, speaking specifically to parents concerned with teaching their own children to read rather than risking having them labeled with some kind of learning disability in state schools, it's definitely worth reading and considering. My reasons for home education go way beyond teaching reading, but every aspect of the decision is worth careful and thoughtful research. Curtis is the mother of ten and has experience with both home and state education and her voice is reasoned and gracious. Even if you are not inclined to make homeschooling your family's lifestyle over the long haul, do read her post!

Labels: Education, Homeschooling, Mothering

And then, moments after my last post, God placed this exclamation point on my heart from J. Gresham Machen, by way of John Piper's blog this morning...

A Crucial Word from Machen's Mother

Labels: Devotional, Mothering

It was a good weekend to be away...I was beginning to get really morose about the condition of the country and the seeming hopelessness of it all, and I needed something to shake me out of the dumpster. If any of you have taken me up on my challenge to read Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, I'm sure that by now you've seen 21st century USA in that 20th century prophecy, and it's pretty obvious that in a moral slide such as we're seeing there is no quick turnaround. Perhaps there's no turnaround at all. The wider the "bailout" becomes, the more folks get their hands on their little bit of it, the less likely that there will ever again be a majority to successfully end the nonsense and the outright thievery.

And then, who is John Galt?

(Read the book, I tell you. READ it.)

Anyway, that's not where I was going with this. I needed to step back and get the perspective that matters: what is my place in all this? Not to fix it, because getting even a hundred of you to read Atlas Shrugged and posting all the absurdities of this new administration every day is not going to change things. It might help you to recognize the signs of a great Republic on the way out, but it will not avert the plunge.

The only thing that can make a difference in my world is for me to do the very best I can at the job God gave me: being a WholeHearted mother and grandmother and encouraging others to do and be the best they can as well. So I return from the WholeHearted Mother Conference with a new determination to make the most of the remaining years I have with the kids still at home, and to work even harder to help moms see the importance of what they're doing in their homes every day. While I'm more pessimistic than I have ever been at the direction of our country (and I don't mean economically), I am optimistic when I sit in a hall with 650 other mothers and grandmothers who have been called to raise men and women of character, people who will glorify God and declare His principles to a country who has turned a blind eye.

Today, I'm taking a deep breath and diving back in.

Labels: Books, Grandparenting, Mothering, Political Observation, WholeHearted Mother

My granddaughter turned four today.

And her mommy has written a moving tribute to Carrie and to motherhood that I wouldn't want you to miss.

But maybe it's just me.

Happy to Be So

Labels: Grandkids, Memories, Mothering

The lovely and mucho fun site 5 Minutes for Mom is running a Mother's Day photo contest with a $1000 prize! They asked for photos "that tell some sort of story of what motherhood means to you," and they received hundreds of entries. And my cousin Johanna's photo made it to the finals! She is a great photographer (she took my profile pic), but this is one her mom took of Johanna and Josiah, and it's fabulous...and of course I am NOT biased. Promise.

There are some really nice photos in the finals (plus some I don't think exactly fit the theme, but that's for you to decide...) Check out Johanna's pic under the "Too Small for Me" heading. I love the way it whispers of a little guy slightly afraid of his first steps in the big wide world and a mom who's got her hands in the things that she's brought to comfort him as she stands close by.

So go take a look. And VOTE!

And you can vote for anyone you want to.

Really.

Seriously.

I mean it, it's fine.

Perfectly fine :-)

Mother's Day Photo Finalists

Labels: Fun, Mothering

The rain outside has matched my mood. It's been a hard day, sitting here at home while my daughters, both biological and "adopted", are at the WholeHearted Mother Conference. Year after year, the conference has ministered to me in my walk as a homeschooling mom. And I've seen it become the event that so many in our group savor and look forward to as well, giving me multiplied joy...

The silver lining is that I've been able to use some of the hours today to pray for Sally as she speaks, and to pray for the band of moms from San Antonio who attended. I believe that God has spoken to each mother, and that what they've heard will accompany them home as they return to mother with whole hearts. Much as I'd like to have been there, they don't need me for that :-)

Labels: Mothering, WholeHearted Mother

Today was the day we rounded up the last of what Nathan needs for dorm life in preparation for taking him to college tomorrow.

It wasn't just a group of errands. It was part of a whole new experience for me.

Yes, we've sent kids off to college before, twice to schools across the Atlantic Ocean from us while we were living in Germany.

But...they were girls. And I always thought that the boys would be, well, easier.

I was wrong. Boy, was I wrong.

To go into the reasons that it's such a different feel this time would be too hard tonight so I won't try. I'm still hoping to sleep a few hours before this very emotional adventure and I can't afford to turn the tears back on. Suffice it to say that we would appreciate your prayers as we launch Nathan into the next season of his life and we adjust to family life without his daily presence.

God has big plans for this wonderful young man and no matter how hard it is to let him go, we look forward to watching the plans unfold...

Update tomorrow on the Snippets.

Labels: Kids, Mothering

I am UBER-proud of my friend Tiffany--she has embarked on an ambitious project of making diapers for Rowan out of materials she already has, so that they're almost free. But I'm even more impressed at the tutorial she's put together, including wonderful photos of the whole process. Whether you'd like to consider doing this yourself or whether you're just curious, run over there and take a look! (Start with this post, and then click over to the blog's home page and scroll down to part one and read up.)

Labels: Babies, Good Stuff, Homemaking, Mothering

Frequent visitor and commenter to Granny's House, Pam Ogren, recently sent me a copy of her book, Creating Happy Memories: 100+ Ways to Start and Strengthen Family Traditions. Pam is a "granny" too, and this little book is full of great ideas for making memories with children and grandchildren. Throughout her book are contributions from celebrities and "household" names (Kathie Lee Gifford, Regis Philbin), as well as a few names you'd probably only recognize if you were a Notre Dame fan (Digger Phelps, Father Hesburgh).

One of my favorite entries:

Forbidden Food

When my daughter Ranee was growing up I was very strict about what was "good" for her breakfast. I never thought that cereal was an appropriate choice. As she got older it became sort of a joke and she would say "Just you wait...when I go away to college I'm going to eat cereal three meals a day!" Well the day my dad and I moved her four hours from home to Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana, I bought several boxes of the variety packs of cereal and wrapped them in gift paper topped with a ribbon. Just before we left her at her new apartment, I gave her the "gift" with a note that simply said "ENJOY", Love, Mom. We both laughed! Oh, yes.....I do let my grandchildren eat cereal for breakfast.

If you need some fresh ideas, take a look at Pam's book!

Thank you, Pam!

Labels: Books, Children, Fun, Grandparenting, Memories, Mothering

I admit it.

If every Friday were like this, it wouldn't be such a treat. But I'll take what I can get.

It's just after 9 a.m. and our school week is virtually done. With very few exceptions, and minor ones at that, everything on the boys' assignments sheets for the week is "checked off." They each have some reading today, and Tim is finishing up the last of his grammar. Shelley has her first major chemistry test online today, so she's upstairs refreshing her volume calculations. Other than that, we're finished!

And a good week it was...improving math scores, diligent readers, and for the most part, efficient time management brought cheers from the school administration. Tim, our most reluctant scholar, made two comments this week that I took as very good news. Yesterday, half the way through his Saxon Math 76 lesson, he looked up at me and said, "Mom, I think I'm starting to like math. And that scares me." This morning I told him that I was very encouraged at how well he's grasping grammar concepts this year, and he replied, "Well, Mom, they don't call it Easy Grammar for nothing!" (You know you've found the right curriculum choice when you hear something like that.)

So...even though I know that next week or the week after that we'll reach Friday still scrambling to check off Wednesday's work, for today I'm going to savor the triumph, breathe deeply, and remember all the reasons that I've done this for 23 years....

Labels: Homeschooling, Mothering

Okay, friends, this one will now take its place right up there with Pachelbel :-)



hat tip: stacey (was that you??)

Labels: Children, Fun, Mothering, Music

[Thomas Szasz (b. 1920), U.S. psychiatrist. "Social Relations," The
Second Sin (1973).]

(hat tip: trish)

Labels: Children, Mothering

Seems there's a game popular in some parts of the world that is causing trouble:

HONG KONG (AP) - Playing the popular Chinese tile game mahjong can lead to seizures, Hong Kong researchers say, calling the phenomenon "mahjong epilepsy."

In a study published in the Hong Kong Medical Journal's August edition, researchers from the Queen Mary Hospital reviewed 23 cases of mahjong players in Taiwan and Hong Kong who suffered seizures. They concluded that mahjong-induced epilepsy is a specific condition - not the result of the stress or exhaustion associated with the game.

Most of the 23 patients never suffered seizures other than when playing mahjong and the seizures occurred as early as one hour into their games, the researchers said. One patient stopped having seizures after quitting mahjong but relapsed after taking up the game again, according to the study.

The researchers called mahjong a "cognitively demanding game."

Uh...I don't know if I'm buying into this theory that it's the mahjong that's causing it:

"It involves substantial higher mental processing and outputs: memory, concentration, calculations, reasoning, strategies, sequential thinking and planning," they said.

Hmmm...sounds suspiciously like mothering to me.

Labels: Fun, Health, Mothering

So...tomorrow our Bethany graduates. I've known it was coming, but it didn't hit me as reality until tonight at the rehearsal. Seeing her take her place with the other graduates, doing their funny routines and their serious reflections, seeing the video montages of their lives, and then doing the mock presentation of her diploma....well, it came crashing in that my job in educating her is complete. I haven't always done it the way I wanted to or should have; her high school years more than any of the other children were affected by our life transitions and my physical and emotional challenges....

"but God..." My favorite two words in Scripture...the words that assure me that I am not the one in control, and no matter how selfish, ineffective, faithless, or tired I become, He will not allow His purposes to be thwarted. His purposes in Bethany are being realized and becoming more visible each day; as I watched her from the back of the auditorium tonight I saw new glimpses of the woman she is becoming. So young--not quite 17--and yet already displaying the new grace and poise of womanhood. And as we end this part of our journey together, she begins to take a new place, that of adult daughter and friend. It tastes bittersweet, but these days the sweet is taking center stage...

Labels: Friendship, Homeschooling, Kids, Mothering

I'm going to revisit a topic that we've touched on before, this time in a slightly different context. The past quarter century has seen major changes in the way parents, educators, day-care workers, health care providers, and sports leaders have related to the children in their charge. One of the most visible of these is the emphasis on praise. We had lots of good comments when we discussed this before, including a seasoned mother and grandmother encouraging us to think about balance in how we approach decisions about praising our children.

LOVE unconditionally. PRAISE specifically.

Now let's look at the entrance of this "most-praised generation" into the workplace and how the corporate world has been forced to adjust to younger workers' "needs" (and demands) for constant feedback and affirmation. From Jeffrey Zaslow in today's Wall Street Journal:

You, You, You -- you really are special, you are! You've got everything going for you. You're attractive, witty, brilliant. "Gifted" is the word that comes to mind.

Childhood in recent decades has been defined by such stroking -- by parents who see their job as building self-esteem, by soccer coaches who give every player a trophy, by schools that used to name one "student of the month" and these days name 40.

Now, as this greatest generation grows up, the culture of praise is reaching deeply into the adult world. Bosses, professors and mates are feeling the need to lavish praise on young adults, particularly twentysomethings, or else see them wither under an unfamiliar compliment deficit.

I encourage you to read the whole article. It's full of fascinating examples (and not all negative, I might add) of how the business world is adapting to the changes in how Gen-X'ers and Gen-Y'ers feel about themselves and demand that others constantly reinforce those feelings. Some of these adjustments are ones that all of us would enjoy and benefit from, such as thank you notes from a boss after a particularly grueling week or a well-executed presentation or set of meetings. But the extent to which many businesses are having to celebrate normal activities in the office or store or factory would be amusing if it weren't so disturbing.

The 1,000-employee Scooter Store Inc., a power-wheelchair and scooter firm in New Braunfels, Texas, has a staff "celebrations assistant" whose job it is to throw confetti -- 25 pounds a week -- at employees. She also passes out 100 to 500 celebratory helium balloons a week. The Container Store Inc. estimates that one of its 4,000 employees receives praise every 20 seconds, through such efforts as its "Celebration Voice Mailboxes."

And what's a forward-thinking company to do? Opting out of the praise machine may not be an option:

In fact, throughout history, younger generations have wanted praise from their elders. As Napoleon said: "A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon." But when it comes to praise today, "Gen Xers and Gen Yers don't just say they want it. They are also saying they require it," says Chip Toth, an executive coach based in Denver. How do young workers say they're not getting enough? "They leave," says Mr. Toth.

All of this, however, does create a dilemma for professors and business leaders who are averse to handing out praise for praise's sake:

At the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, marketing consultant Steve Smolinsky teaches students in their late 20s who've left the corporate world to get M.B.A. degrees. He and his colleagues feel handcuffed by the language of self-esteem, he says. "You have to tell students, 'It's not as good as you can do. You're really smart, and can do better.'"

Mr. Smolinsky enjoys giving praise when it's warranted, he says, "but there needs to be a flip side. When people are lousy, they need to be told that." He notices that his students often disregard his harsher comments. "They'll say, 'Yeah, well...' I don't believe they really hear it."

In the end, ego-stroking may feel good, but it doesn't lead to happiness, says Prof. Twenge, the narcissism researcher, who has written a book titled "Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled -- and More Miserable than Ever Before." She would like to declare a moratorium on "meaningless, baseless praise," which often starts in nursery school. She is unimpressed with self-esteem preschool ditties, such as the one set to the tune of "Frère Jacques": "I am special/ I am special/ Look at me..."

So...to bring this back to the world of the children and grandchildren we're currently raising and loving. Doesn't my child need to know that he is loved, appreciated, admired?

My answer is that we need to think about this in two categories. I want to LOVE my child UNconditionally. "You, my little one, are wonderful because God made you and He gave you to me and I couldn't possibly love you any more than I already do. No matter what you do, where you go, whether you delight me or disappoint me, I will always love you." No strings, no conditions, expressed or implied.

Praise is somewhat different. Praise needs to (most of the time) be accomplishment- or growth-based. "I'm so proud of the improvements you've made in how you respond to disappointment. Remember last year when you pouted all day long because you had to miss the picnic? I know that missing this campout hurts, but what a difference in your reaction this time!" Or, "Wow! That is the most realistic drawing of an animal I've ever seen you do! Good job! Such progress you're making!"

I don't want to imply that we should never give general praise or tell our children that they're intelligent or have a great sense of humor or that they're good writers, etc. There are times when I believe they need to get a sense of how we view them as a whole. But if we can't back that up with specific examples, we're not only wasting our breath, we're inflating their perceptions of themselves and we may also be setting them up to eventually distrust the compliments that other people pay them.

In general, then, I encourage you (and me--I'm still doing this!) to LOVE unconditionally and PRAISE specifically. Hopefully we can raise a generation of citizens and workers who appreciate being appreciated but who don't require a gallon of confetti for showing up on time :-)

Hat tip: Steph K.

Labels: Business, Children, Mothering, Social Observation

You have GOT to go read this post!

Labels: Children, Fun, Mothering

Labels: Children, Mothering, Poems

Finally.

What many of us have suspected for thirty years about the cult of self-esteem and the "I Am Special" mantras is being addressed by some solid science.

In this lengthy article from NY Magazine, the author explores some of the implications of a new body of research into the effects of praise on children. Hold on to your hat--it's startling.

Since the 1969 publication of The Psychology of Self-Esteem, in which Nathaniel Branden opined that self-esteem was the single most important facet of a person, the belief that one must do whatever he can to achieve positive self-esteem has become a movement with broad societal effects. Anything potentially damaging to kids’ self-esteem was axed. Competitions were frowned upon. Soccer coaches stopped counting goals and handed out trophies to everyone. Teachers threw out their red pencils. Criticism was replaced with ubiquitous, even undeserved, praise.

Dweck and Blackwell’s work is part of a larger academic challenge to one of the self-esteem movement’s key tenets: that praise, self-esteem, and performance rise and fall together. From 1970 to 2000, there were over 15,000 scholarly articles written on self-esteem and its relationship to everything—from sex to career advancement. But results were often contradictory or inconclusive. So in 2003 the Association for Psychological Science asked Dr. Roy Baumeister, then a leading proponent of self-esteem, to review this literature. His team concluded that self-esteem was polluted with flawed science. Only 200 of those 15,000 studies met their rigorous standards.

After reviewing those 200 studies, Baumeister concluded that having high self-esteem didn’t improve grades or career achievement. It didn’t even reduce alcohol usage. And it especially did not lower violence of any sort. (Highly aggressive, violent people happen to think very highly of themselves, debunking the theory that people are aggressive to make up for low self-esteem.) At the time, Baumeister was quoted as saying that his findings were “the biggest disappointment of my career.”

I'm too tired tonight to do a whole lot of commentary, but I encourage you to read it all the way to the end, because some of the meatiest and most convincing stuff is near the end. I was especially fascinated by the bio-chemical effects of praise on the brain!



Katherine at Raising Five has also blogged about this article here.

Labels: Children, Homeschooling, Mothering

The poetry of Ruth Bell Graham has always spoken to me like few others...and save for the number of her children, this could be from my heart as well...

Five I have:
each separate,
distinct,
a soul
bound for eternity:
and I
--blind
leader of the blind--
groping and fumbling,
casual and concerned,
by turns...
undisciplined, I seek
by order and command
to discipline and shape;
(I who need
Thy discipline
to shape
my own disordered soul).
O Thou
Who seest the heart's
true, deep desire,
each shortcoming and
each sad mistake,
supplement
and
overrule,
nor let our children be
the victims of our own
unlikeness unto Thee.

Labels: Children, Mothering